Sorry for the lack of posting latley! But i just haven't been upto it, hope i'm fogiven. Been back upto gartneval the last few days still not feeling well. Its rubbish, can't stand feeling like this and not being able to do stuff. So been up at gartneval today and yestarday, on more orals once again and tablets for reflux as i keep feeling really sick, it's horrible. So hopefully these orals will work and make me feel better for christmas.

Im off to ireland after christmas so really hope i will be feeling better, i really cant wait to go and meet jo and bree and other people too. And too see Alan and Clodagh again it will be great and it will be fab to get away for a lil break.

Just been taking things really easy recently aint been up to doing much anway. Cant wait to feel better, need to go out and start my christmas shopping now, before it's too late lol.

This is only a short one, will post properly tomorrow.

Hope everyone is manging to keep well and smiley in this horrible weather..x

Such miserable weather..x

Another wet and miserable day, nothing seems to change these days does it lol!! God i hate this weather, it just makes everyone so down and grumpy i think.

Anyway was back up at hospital today as im still not feeling well. Im on two weeks course of oral septrin and i got given some more strong painkillers, the physio ssays she dosen't know how my chest is so bad after two weeks iv's. Just really bad luck to be honest, but im hoping these oral's wil do the trick and i wont have to go in for my iv's. Im back up on wednesday for physio. I just cant stop coughing, i somtimes feel like the veins in my head are going to burst as im coughing so much. Hopefully i will be better soon though.
My dear big sister Ali is in hospital, i hope she gets home soon. I need to post her little card and letter tomorrow. So Ali when you read this i want you to know i've been thinking of you as always and im sending you huge huge get well hugs.

I was suppost to be going to ireland in a week or two but im not going anymore because im not feeling well and because my chest is still really bad, so im going after christmas. Really looking foward to going, i have loads of people to meet. Some great friends that will stay my friends forever. Im gutted im not going when i was meant to because i was meant to being seeing Emmie my wonderful big sis over there, but i wont get too see her now and that has made me really sad. I will just have to go visit her after christmas.

I haven't been upto much at all, since i got home from hospital i haven't had the energy to do anything. Hopefully things will start to imrpove soon.
I hope everyone is well and smiley...xx

Free at last!

Finally managed to escape from hospital after 3 weeks! So glad to be home..

Well the story, i went upto hospital on the monday and they decided to keep me in as i had a bad infection! So that was me in for 2 weeks ivs!
I had been complanin for a bit that my port was sore, so i got them too look at it and it seemed rather red and hot too touch, but they said they would wait and see how it went.
They tried to give my my ivs through it and it wouldnt move so i was like oooo noo here goes!
So i had to get a canula in, i was dreadin this as my veins are totally rubbish. The doc came and had 13 attempts, i was like i cant take it anymore. He finally got one in on the 14th attempt and it didnt even last 2 iv doses!

I ended up being in for 3 weeks and i had to get my port removed because it was infected and blocked! So im still really sore and tender but so glad to be home in my own little bed!
In total i had 17 canulas i think and about 20-30 attempts, my arms were black and blue with bruises, they are just actually starting to disapear now!

Im back to hospital tomorrow for physio and just a check up, so hopefully everything is going well. Im still not feeling that good, but hopefully things will start to pick up very very soon.

Im hoping to go to ireland before christmas to spend a few days with alan and clodagh. Emmie and brad are coming to so it should be brilliant. Really cant wait so see them all again.
I will find out tomorrow if i can fly, so fingers crossed i get the go ahead.
Will do a proper update tomorrow. Hope everyone is well and smiley.xxxxx

God when am i going to start to feel better....Anyone????
Sorry but i just cant stand feeling like this..I've had the flu for a week tomorrow and feel like rubbish. It's got into my chest too i think and i cant stop coughing, my little lungs are really sore.
If only the doctor would have given me my flu jag..now i have to wait till the end of November till they get the next lot in.
Im up at hospital for physio on monday so if i dont feel any better i will be letting them know!
Ive had a total rubbish day today, my mood has been so low. I havent moved from the couch since last saturday, all i've been doing is sleepin all day mostly. It's so not a life so i hope this damn flu will pass soon. I think it has annoyed me long enough now.
Anyone fancy cheerin me up if possible lol?? I would be grateful!
Im hopefully going away over to stay with Clodagh and Alan for a few days sometime soon, soon as i get better and sort my passport out. Im going to see Ali next year, im already looking foward to seeing her again.
This is only a short one i dont have the energy today.
Will post properly soon. Stay happy and well xxx

Was at hospital yestarday to see the phycologist, it went ok i suppose. We had a long chat and i tried to open up as much as i could was hard but i tried. He said he could tell im good at hiding my feelings and whats going on in my head.
Which is true!! Really true actually. Im going back to see him in a few weeks time and maybe i will be able to open up a little more. Ive to try tell my mum how im feeling, i know its going to be real difficult. I prefer to keep everything to myself i dont like to worry or upset her. I find it really hard to talk about how i feel inside, but i guess it will just take time. Hopefully i will be able to one day..it could be days,weeks or months away but its worth trying. Im hopefully going over to visit Clodagh and Alan sometime soon, as long as i get my sats up and keep doing my physio! Need to be well to fly and be well so i will enjoy myself. The 2 of them have been so nice to me, i could never repay them for everything they have done for me. They are such beautiful beautiful people who mean the world to me.
My lovely big sister Ali is thinking of making special CF braclets for christmas, i think its a great idea, i loved the bracelts she made before and i never take them off lol..well apart from when im in the bath;)!! She is such a star and does so much to raise money and help people. If she decides to go ahead with making them, i think they will be a great sell out, I definetley will buy a few!
I've been talking to My princess Emmie loads lately, she is so nice. We have the funniest chats ever on the phone and end up in fits of laughter hehe.. Im hoping to go see her very soon. Maybe before christmas, i might even dress up as father christmas for her hehe!
Anyway time for more physio so i will love yous and leave yous.
All my love to you beautiful people xxxx Stay well and Stay SMILEY x

Best time ever! x

Well havent i had the best time ever!! It all started last week i went down to Newcastle on the tuesday as i was going to be meeting Alan and Clodagh on the thursday. So i went down and stayed with Lainey for a few days. On wednesday night i couldnt sleep and felt so sick..i manged to get to sleep at about 3 in the morning. So thursday came and i woke up feeling so sick..i had to run to the toilet. Me and Lainey got all ready and set off to the airport to meet Alan and Clo. We were so so nervous. Then there they were Gorgeous Clo and Alan came walking through the doors, Alan came over and lifted me up into the air, he gave me the biggest hug ever. Then i gave Clo the biggest hug ever she is beautiful. It was the best meeting them. We made our way to Lainey's car and headed off to the metro centre for a spot of shopping and some lunch. I was really shy i didnt speak for the first half hour or so but after that i was fine hehe! We had some lunch and chatted for ages.. Then Lainey and Clo went on a little roller coaster while i sat with Alan as i was really knackered and couldnt make it up all the stairs lol! After that we took them back to the hotel and got them sorted into their room. Me and Lainey headed home for a bit to get some rest and to let them get ready and that for the meal. Later that night we met back up and went for a lovely meal, it was beautiful and we just chatted for hours. Clo was giving people the eye brow she is so funny and such a beautiful person inside and out. The meal was lovely and we chatted and laughed loads. It was one of the best nights ever. After that we decided to go a little walk. We saw the millenium bridge and the tyne bridge!! I think thats what they were haha...I was freezing so i stole Alan's jacket;) . Well he offered me it and i accepted as it was so cold lol and i kept shivvering.. He is great and made me smile so much. We had a nice we walk but i was so tired and it really took it out of me.

It was one of the best days ever meeting Alan and Clo i know Mary will be so so proud of them. I had the best time ever and they made me smile so much, i really miss them but hopefully i will be going over to Ireland soon to see them again.
I want to thank them so so much for coming over, i am really grateful and i hope they enjoyed thereself as much as i did. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Another day!

Aint had a very good weekend got some flu or cold going on and its really knocked me for six, so all i been doing is sleepin really.
My mood has been really low again but i hope it will pick up again soon, i hate feeling sad and down. It aint good for you. I find it really difficult to talk about my feelings. I just bottle everything up inside and sometimes have a good cry at night when im in my room. I get told its not good to cry on your on though as you need someone to cuddle.
I know it will probably take a while for me to get back on track and to start feeling more positive and cheery! Back to my usual self..I dont like this little sad girl that i have turned into but i know i will be back to my crazy self!
Im going back to see the phycologist on monday so im hoping that will help me and i hope i will be able to somehow open up and talk about my feelings. As i feel i might need to, to actually help me to start feeling better. Its worth a go i think anyway.
Im going to see alan and clodagh on thursday so i really hope i am feeling better and that this nasty cold has gone by then! I've got everything crossed!
My lovely big sister Ali is such a great person, she really helps me, i only wished she lived nearer. Im sure i will see her again soon though.
Hope everyone is well and smiley x x