A love yous all so so much

Im so so so so grateful. I cannot believe what you guys have done for me and im so thankfull to yous all. Emmie you are amazing arranging all that for me, u are one in a million and im very privelaged to have you as my special big sister.
I was in tears reading all your lovely messages on the card, i was just so taken by your kindness and generosity. Your gifts mean the world to me and were absoultley beautiful, i will take my gorgeous teddy bear to bed with me everynight. Wish i could give you all a massive hug. Yous are all such amazing people and im so glad i know yous. My life is so much brighter with yous in it. So i want to thank yous from the bottom of my heart. All my love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey everyone im back!
I managed to get out of hospital today so i will be at home for my birthday on friday, i've to go upto hospital on friday for a physio session though!

Well im startin to feel a wee bit better but im still really down & i hate feeling like this so much. I hope things will get better soon and i will get back to my wee self cos i hate feeling sad and low all the time, it aint nice.

I've to go up to the hospital every week for a physio session with one of the phyiso's to keep me on track and to help me.

I want to thank everyone so so much for all there kind messages, they mean the world to me & brightend my day up. I recieved a beautiful from card from Ally which she made herself, it was lovely so thanks so much chikie, ur a star. I had a great conversation on the fone with Emmie, it was one of the most funniest fone calls ever & she made me smile so much, so thanks Emmie. She also read out all ur lovely messages to me which was such a nice thing to do, she's an angel. Thanks everyone for thinking about me, yous are all amazing.

Im still taking things very easy just now & making sure i dont over do it. Im going to meet alan soon, Mary's boyfriend which im really lookin foward to so i gota make sure im well enough.

Once again thanks for all the lovely messages
All my love xxxxxxxxxx

Why why why?? Thats all i keep thinking just now.

Im still not doing my physio & im really payin the price, my chest is in agony & i cant stop coughing. All i seem to be doing just now is sleepin & arguing with my mum, i cant take much more of it. I dont know why im not doing my physio cos i know its whats keeping me alive, i know im being so daft. My mum is phoning the hospital on tuesday, and im going to see a phycologist to see if they can get through to me and help me before i do real damage to myself.

I've not long woke up actually, had a rubbish day were i just havent stopped crying. Just wish i would go to sleep and wake up and this would all just be a big bad dream.

I'll probably be going back upto hosp on tues, cos my chest is terrible.
So i'll let everyone know how i get on. Thanks Ally for all the lovely comments you leave me & for making me a card, ur an absoulte angel.

Lots of love to all, keep well & smily xxxxxxxxxx

Hey all thought i would update my blog as i havent for a few days now! I just havent had the energy to do so.
I've been feeling like rubbish lately, my chest isnt very good but that is due to the fact that i havent been doing my physio as well as i should be & im definetley paying the price, its all just so hard at times. I know i got to start doing it properly though as my health will just deteroiate more if i dont.
My mood is really low just now aswell and that aint helping anything, as im so fed up and down, i aint got any motivation in me.

I'll hopefully find strength from somewhere though & be able to carry on fighting like i should be doing. Thanks for everyone who reads my blog & posts comments.

I've not been doing much, just taking things easy as im really weak & so tired just now. I have been getting lots of support though from the whole cf community though & lots of advice on what to do about not doing my physio and stuff, so im really greatful for that. Also for the support from all my other friends who dont have cf.

Well im gonna go sorry this is just a quick one, but im gonna try get some sleep feeling really crappy. Hope everyone else is well & i want to say a truly massive well done to alan to done everyone & mary so so proud with his interview, it had me in tears, his strength and courage amazes me. so a BIG WELL DONE Alan. Your a true star.

Lots of love to all x x x x

Hiya all, Hope everyone is well & smiley.
Im ok got the hospital tomorrow for my anual review & for a fitness test! Ahhhhhh.
Gota tell them about these sore heads i keep getting, cos they are really annoyin me now. So hopefully they will find out whats causing them & get it sorted for me.

Well its my birthday a week on friday, so im looking foward to that, al be 16! CAnt wait cos i will hopefully be starting my driving lessons soon. Cant wait to be able to drive, it will give me so much more freedom.

Seen Emz alot last few days she is great & such a help to me, i honesly dont know what i would do without her at times. I've been in touch with Alan loads Mary's boyfriend. He's fab such a kind guy, means the world to me. Hopefully will get to meet him one day.

Well this is just a quick one as im going to bed head killin me, got hosp tmoz. So will let yous know wat happens. Take care all x x

Hey hope everyone is well and dandy!
Im not too bad today, had a good few long chats with Alan and he has made me feel so much better about things, he is a total star & such a great guy.

I posted a wee pic of me in London just gettin ready to go to the meal..So i hope it has turned out ok:D

This is just a wee quick post to say hi & hope everyone is well. Lots of love & hugs x x x

Hey lovely people

Today i feel up to writing a proper post now, the last few days have been very hard. I was finding things very hard after hearing that Mary had passed away. For the past few days i havent stopped crying, but i got rid of all my tears last night as i know that Mary wouldnt want me to be sad and upset, she would want me to stay strong. I have been in contact with Mary's boyfriend Alan who has been such a great friend to me, he has been such a star and i hope we will stay friends forever.

Yestarday Emz took me out for the day, we went to Arbroath and went to the beach for a while then for a chinese, We also meet up with Lea one of our friends. It was a lovely wee day and it helped me to take my mind of some things for a little while. Emz is such a great person and has a heart of gold, she has been there so much for me over the last few months & it really means alot to me. Anytime im feeling low i know she will be there for me and that means alot.

Today i am just having an easy day as im quite tired after yestarday. It has been a long hard few days, so hopefully things will start to get easier. On thursday im going to see princess's on ice with Emz so im really looking foward to that, it will be great.

Im back up at the hospital on tuesday, to see what's happenin with the old lungs and to hopefully get my steroids reduced! So fingers crossed everything goes to plan. After that me and my mum are going out to look at cars, because im starting driving lessons soon. So my mum is just gonna sell her car and we are gonna share the new one. I cant wait to be able to drive cos it will mean i can come and go as i please, also if i feel like i need time to myself i will be able to go nice wee drive's. Neeshy was telling me it has helped her alot so i hope it does the same for me.

Well i gotta run on, neb time!! Hope everyone is well and happy.
Take care x x x

In loving memory of a wonderful and special friend

Writing this hurts so much but i feel like i need to.
Today i found out that Mary had passed away, the tears havent stopped coming all day, i cant believe she has gone, it hurts so much to know that another wonderful person has gone due to cystic fibrosis. Mary was one of the most special friends i had, she was there for me whenever i needed her, she meant more than the world to me and always will. Over the last wee while i was finding it really hard, but with her help and kind words she always made me smile. That was our Mary. I wish so so much that her call would have came in time as she was waiting on a double lung transplant, sadly this didnt happen and she died waiting on the list.

Mary was such a fighter and never let much get her down, i remember her love for life. She was one of the strongest people i know and was always there helping other people even when things were so hard for her. She was gorgeous and had so much going for her.

I urge people to sign up to be a organ donor, to many people die waiting for transplants and this shouldnt be happening, losing another very special to cf hurts so much. It is so easy to sign up and be an organ donor all you have to do is go to www.uktransplant.org.uk.

I know that Mary is free from pain now and will be able to fly free and breath without any more pain, i just hope that she knew how much she meant to me and that i will always be grateful to her for helpin me through so much. We became really close in the last while and im so glad i got to know such a loving,kind and wonderful person. I couldnt have asked for a better friend. Mary u mean the world and more to me and always will.

Beautiful Mary, I know we will meet in a better place but until we do may u rest in peace. Good night and god bless. Heaven has the best angel in the world. I know that when i look at the stars at night, i will look out for you and hopefully will be able to see you there shinning brightly. I will love u forever and cant wait for the day that we will meet. Ur inspiration will forever live on.

My thoughts go to all of Mary's family and friends and especially to Alan, we have became vry close over the last wee while and i want u to know that i will always be there for u wenever u need me, i promise.

Good night mary the fairy and god bless.
You will always hold a very special place in my heart.

Whenever I needed someone to talk to, You were always there. My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, and You were always there. There was no time when I had doubt, to come to you because You were always there. I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and that you really cared. Whenever I was down and blue You were always there. No matter my problems, are what was wrongY ou were always there. Whenever I felt like nothing matters You were always there. Now your gone, and I don't know what to do, I close my eyes and think of you, and how You were always there. It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of you. Can you hear me now, At night I pray, and I speak to you. I guess you were right when you told me no matter how far you were. You would always be there. I know one day I'll see you again, but till then I have to say goodbye. Even though it hurts to hear your name, and speak of you. One thing I will always say is You were always there.

I will love u forever Mary.
All my love ur Tasha x x x

Best weekend ever!!

Thought i would start up a new wee blog and what better way to start this one than to start it with all about the best weekend ever!!

Well this weekend i travelled down to London for the Hydro active run, i was supporting cystic fibrosis and being part of Emily's Angels team..Even though i didnt do the run, i was there cheerin on like a maddie!!

We arrived in London in the early hours of saturday morning and made our way to the hotel me and Lainey's 2 daughters. Lainey was waiting at the tube station to meet us just incase we got lost lol! When we got there we dropped our bags and headed straight out as we wanted to make the most of the time there, we got on one of the tour buses which took us mostly all around London we saw some beautiful places and had a good laugh on the bus! Later on the Saturday night we went for a meal with some of the other angels that were going to do the run. We went to a lovely wee restaurant, it was great meeting everyone, Gill, Livvy, Sarah, Gill's daughter and of course Ally, Bagpuss and Roger. Ally is amazing such a loving and fun person, i had a good laugh with her and her husband, he is so funny. After the meal we went straight back to the hotel and straight to bed as i was totally nakered and wanted to be feeling as well as i could for the race the next day.

The day of the race arrived and god was i feelin excited & nervous. We all got geered up in our lovely pink clothes and headed of to the run..having a laugh the whole way there! I got a piggy back most of the way by Lainey's daughter Stacey, i would have been lost without her there, she was amazing to me and was always there if i needed anything! We arrived at the race and the excitment started to really kick in, we made our way over to the cystic fibrosis stand and there she was her self, the best angel in the world Miss Emily dressed from head to toe in pink. She looked fantastic and very pink indeed. Everyone chatted away for ages and then it was time for the race to start, as i wasnt doing the race i stayed with Roger, Ally's husband. We said bye to everyone and wished them the best of luck.

BOOOM! The race had started and off went the runners. Everyone was buzzing and people were cheering from all directions. Me and roger then made our way over to a much quieter corner were we had planned to stand so Ally could look out for us..after standing there for a short while we saw Emily and all of her angels pass..still looking wonderful as ever! And then i noticed the pink wig from a distance and let Roger now Ally was on her way..We were shoutin Go Ally Go...She came over for a quick 2 mins and i couldnt believe how fantastic she still looked after walking all that length. We quickly walked over to the finishing line so we could see Emily walk over the line..we were waiting for her when we somehow saw Ally pop up from no where and take over alot of people, i was so proud of her as she had done so well and the last bit of the race she just went for it and done us all proud so well done Ally! What an achievment.

A few minutes later we could see the angels preparing to get Emily out of wheelchair to walk the final stretch..as soon as she got out the chair and stood up everyone went wild cheering and clappin for her, she started to walk slowly and within mintues the finish line was only seconds away...the crowd started clappin in time and then there it was our Emily had done it, she crossed the finish line in true pink style..What an emotional moment it was, there wasnt a sole about without tears streamin down there faces. Everyone was so so happy that Emily had achieved her goal and it was one of the best moments of my life, being able to be there and share it with her and so many other wondeful people.

After the race we all planned to meet back u near the cf point, so everyone could have a nice wee picnic and a good old natter. Walking back to the point that we were suppost to be meetin i started feelin really bad and could feel my breathin gettin worse and worse, i thought to myself God no please let me be ok..Everyone over took us and i was gettin slower and slower.. By the time we eventually got to the picnic i could hardly breath and was gettin really panicky! Someone got the first aid team over to see me and it was advised that i had to go away, at this point i just burst into tears as i really didnt want to go. I also thought if i went away in the ambulance i would have missed gettn to meet my special big sister Emmie. So i got rushed away of in the ambulance with Stacey, Lainey's daughter, i was so glad that she came with me cos i was in a real state by this team and needed someone there who i loved and could trust. I got oxygen on as soon as i went into the ambulance and was taken away to a wee medical tent were i had more oxygen and some nebs! I was begging them to let me go as i had started to feel a little better and didnt want to miss the picnic and i told them i had someone special i really needed to see. They agreed that i could go back as long as i took things really easy, so thats what i done.

I got driven back in a wee ambulance car and as soon as i stepped out of the car i could see Emmie walkin over, it was the best moment ever, i couldnt believe i was actually meetin her as i had wanted to for so so long. I was like omg hiya..I went with Emmie and we sat down and chatted for a bit, she is so lovely & sweet. It felt like i had meet my big sister. I took some lovely photos, great ones of Emmie and Emily. After a while it was time for everyone to go home, i said a big goodbye to Emmie, wanted to give her the biggest hug in the world! Also said bye to Emily it was wonderful meeting her, what an inspiration she is. Was the best weekend of my life.

So off everyone went. Me, Stacey & Ash headed back to the hotel to collect our stuff and then it was off to the airport. When we got to the airport i was totally nakered so had to get a wheelchair. We got on the plane and we getting ready to take off, i was worryin a little bit because of wat had happend ealier in the day. As soon as the plane took off and got into air, i could feel it happenin all over again, i felt like my lungs were collapsin and quicky needed oxygen, i had it on the whole flight and sat cuddlin stacey, i wouldnt let go off her lol.So sorry stacey for squeezin u so much. I was so glad when the flight had landed as i just wanted to get off the plane alive and safe.

We arrived at Lainey's and i just went straight to bed i was totally nakerd. The next day it was tme to go home.. Seeing my mum was quite emotional after hwat had happend she had tears in my eyes, was so glad to see her again. I was up at the hospital all day and my sats are still low, so i am on a very high dose of steroids and ive to go back up soon.

I just want to say thanks so much to everyone for making it the most special & best weekend of my life. I will never forget it. Well done Emily for achieving what u aimed for, u were the star of the day! Hope everyone is well and relaxin. Take care lots of love Tasha x x x