God when am i going to start to feel better....Anyone????
Sorry but i just cant stand feeling like this..I've had the flu for a week tomorrow and feel like rubbish. It's got into my chest too i think and i cant stop coughing, my little lungs are really sore.
If only the doctor would have given me my flu jag..now i have to wait till the end of November till they get the next lot in.
Im up at hospital for physio on monday so if i dont feel any better i will be letting them know!
Ive had a total rubbish day today, my mood has been so low. I havent moved from the couch since last saturday, all i've been doing is sleepin all day mostly. It's so not a life so i hope this damn flu will pass soon. I think it has annoyed me long enough now.
Anyone fancy cheerin me up if possible lol?? I would be grateful!
Im hopefully going away over to stay with Clodagh and Alan for a few days sometime soon, soon as i get better and sort my passport out. Im going to see Ali next year, im already looking foward to seeing her again.
This is only a short one i dont have the energy today.
Will post properly soon. Stay happy and well xxx

Was at hospital yestarday to see the phycologist, it went ok i suppose. We had a long chat and i tried to open up as much as i could was hard but i tried. He said he could tell im good at hiding my feelings and whats going on in my head.
Which is true!! Really true actually. Im going back to see him in a few weeks time and maybe i will be able to open up a little more. Ive to try tell my mum how im feeling, i know its going to be real difficult. I prefer to keep everything to myself i dont like to worry or upset her. I find it really hard to talk about how i feel inside, but i guess it will just take time. Hopefully i will be able to one day..it could be days,weeks or months away but its worth trying. Im hopefully going over to visit Clodagh and Alan sometime soon, as long as i get my sats up and keep doing my physio! Need to be well to fly and be well so i will enjoy myself. The 2 of them have been so nice to me, i could never repay them for everything they have done for me. They are such beautiful beautiful people who mean the world to me.
My lovely big sister Ali is thinking of making special CF braclets for christmas, i think its a great idea, i loved the bracelts she made before and i never take them off lol..well apart from when im in the bath;)!! She is such a star and does so much to raise money and help people. If she decides to go ahead with making them, i think they will be a great sell out, I definetley will buy a few!
I've been talking to My princess Emmie loads lately, she is so nice. We have the funniest chats ever on the phone and end up in fits of laughter hehe.. Im hoping to go see her very soon. Maybe before christmas, i might even dress up as father christmas for her hehe!
Anyway time for more physio so i will love yous and leave yous.
All my love to you beautiful people xxxx Stay well and Stay SMILEY x

Best time ever! x

Well havent i had the best time ever!! It all started last week i went down to Newcastle on the tuesday as i was going to be meeting Alan and Clodagh on the thursday. So i went down and stayed with Lainey for a few days. On wednesday night i couldnt sleep and felt so sick..i manged to get to sleep at about 3 in the morning. So thursday came and i woke up feeling so sick..i had to run to the toilet. Me and Lainey got all ready and set off to the airport to meet Alan and Clo. We were so so nervous. Then there they were Gorgeous Clo and Alan came walking through the doors, Alan came over and lifted me up into the air, he gave me the biggest hug ever. Then i gave Clo the biggest hug ever she is beautiful. It was the best meeting them. We made our way to Lainey's car and headed off to the metro centre for a spot of shopping and some lunch. I was really shy i didnt speak for the first half hour or so but after that i was fine hehe! We had some lunch and chatted for ages.. Then Lainey and Clo went on a little roller coaster while i sat with Alan as i was really knackered and couldnt make it up all the stairs lol! After that we took them back to the hotel and got them sorted into their room. Me and Lainey headed home for a bit to get some rest and to let them get ready and that for the meal. Later that night we met back up and went for a lovely meal, it was beautiful and we just chatted for hours. Clo was giving people the eye brow she is so funny and such a beautiful person inside and out. The meal was lovely and we chatted and laughed loads. It was one of the best nights ever. After that we decided to go a little walk. We saw the millenium bridge and the tyne bridge!! I think thats what they were haha...I was freezing so i stole Alan's jacket;) . Well he offered me it and i accepted as it was so cold lol and i kept shivvering.. He is great and made me smile so much. We had a nice we walk but i was so tired and it really took it out of me.

It was one of the best days ever meeting Alan and Clo i know Mary will be so so proud of them. I had the best time ever and they made me smile so much, i really miss them but hopefully i will be going over to Ireland soon to see them again.
I want to thank them so so much for coming over, i am really grateful and i hope they enjoyed thereself as much as i did. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Another day!

Aint had a very good weekend got some flu or cold going on and its really knocked me for six, so all i been doing is sleepin really.
My mood has been really low again but i hope it will pick up again soon, i hate feeling sad and down. It aint good for you. I find it really difficult to talk about my feelings. I just bottle everything up inside and sometimes have a good cry at night when im in my room. I get told its not good to cry on your on though as you need someone to cuddle.
I know it will probably take a while for me to get back on track and to start feeling more positive and cheery! Back to my usual self..I dont like this little sad girl that i have turned into but i know i will be back to my crazy self!
Im going back to see the phycologist on monday so im hoping that will help me and i hope i will be able to somehow open up and talk about my feelings. As i feel i might need to, to actually help me to start feeling better. Its worth a go i think anyway.
Im going to see alan and clodagh on thursday so i really hope i am feeling better and that this nasty cold has gone by then! I've got everything crossed!
My lovely big sister Ali is such a great person, she really helps me, i only wished she lived nearer. Im sure i will see her again soon though.
Hope everyone is well and smiley x x

Well im not long back from the hospital
I've to keep trying to work hard at all my treatments and physio!
I've also got an appoitment with the phycologist next week, im hoping they will be able to help. My little head is just all over the place these days!

I also like Ali wish people would actually understand CF, i know its quite hard but most people just think its a wee illness that affects your lungs. They dont understand how it affects you mentally. As i've got older i've realised what CF actually is and i actually HATE it. I never use this word but cant help to use it on this subject. CF has stole many great friends from me and i sometimes feel like my heart has been riped out over and over again!

There is days when i just wake up and this what is the point? I sometimes feel like i dont have the energy to keep fighting and it would be so much easier to just let the CF win but i dont want to. I want to keep fighting for all the people who cant. I want to somehow be able to beat CF, no matter how hard things get.

I try not to let CF get me down but sometimes things just get to much and you cant help it. People dont understand how hard living with CF is, having to do all the treatments and not being able to do all the things your friends do.

People say i know how you feel, i understand it but they really dont. They dont have CF and dont know what its like to live with it each day. I hate CF so much for taking away some of the most special friends i've ever had. I go to bed and wish i would wake up and this would all just be a big bad dream.

On the other hand i have met so many friends who will forever hold a special place in my heart and if i didnt have CF i would know them. CF has made me a stronger person and has made me aprreciate all the small things in life, its the small things in life that mean so much.

Well ive rammbled on enough! Sorry x x

So true x

Make everyday count no matter what happens
Appreciate every moment and take everything you possibly can
For you may never be able to experience it again
You can make it into anything you wish
Sometimes things get hard and might not go your way
but sometimes things happen that you wouldn't change for the world.
There will be moment when you'll cry and there will be moments you laugh so much you'll cry.
People will desert you when you need them most and others will try their best to be there for a shoulder to cry on at the hardest of times and we all learn in life who those people are but don't use the time we have to hate.
Use it to love and to learn so.....
Talk less and listen more
Be true to yourself and others
Break rules
Learn from every mistake you've ever made and help others out with theirs.
If you feel like crying call me..I cant promise I'll make you laugh but I can cry with you. If one day you want to run away call me..I cant promise to make you stop but I can run with you but if one day you call me and there is no answer....Come fast to see me I may need you.
Your heart will be broken in a relationship gone wrong but think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance and insecurities..Remember things could be worse!
You could be one of them.
Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them..NOT how many years you've lived.
So LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL...
Cherish everything you have and don't dwell on the past
Smile for the present and be ready for the future
Love your friends and family, they are the ones there when others aren't. Anyone who can touch you, can hurt you or heal you
Anyone who can reach you, can love you or leave you
Use every weakness you have and make it into a strength
A true best friend will see you with a smile on your face and still see that there is something wrong.
Make them the light in your day and the moon in your night. Share their joy and pain.
Count the pain you get, given in life as luck because without it you wouldn't be as strong or the person you are today.
WE LIVE AND LEARN x

Wasnt at school today as i wasnt feeling very well so i just had an easy day!
Upto hospital tomorrow for more intense physio so hopefully it will help, also the cf sister phoned today and i've got an appotiment with the phycologist!

I said i would go see him but i dont know if i want to, i cant really talk about how i feel. I just bottle everything up inside. I usually just start crying if i start to talk about how i feel inside and end up feeling really daft!
I've never really been able to talk about my feelings, i can talk to some people from the cf boards which really helps me.

I prefer to keep things to myself but i get told its not good for me and one day i will just end up exploadin! Which i dont think would be a very nice sight!!
I find it really hard to open up but i've had so much support from people and it helps so much.

God this blog dosent make much sense either my little head is just all over the place just now i have far to much time to think...!!

Im going to go and stop rambling on now!
Lots of love to all as always xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey hope everyone is well x

I had rubbish day.. Aint been very well,went into school but got sent home as i was feeling really rubbish:(
I've slept all night mostly, just was so lethargic and had no energy at all.
Dont know what it is, but im back upto hospital on friday for more physio so i will let them check me out. I hope its nothing cos im going to meet Alan and Clodagh next week and im going to Lainey's for a little break, only a few days!

Think a wee break will do me the world of good and will hopefully help me take my mind off things.
I sometimes dont know whats going on in my little head most of the time, i feel like i think and think and think about so much..and sometimes cant stop thinking. Stuff just keeps going round my brain and i can just think for hours and hours! Very strange!

My little brain gets a hard time of it with all the things that go on in my head..I sometimes wish you could just switch your brain and mind off for a while so i could get some none thinkin time lol.

Well i guess thats just what happens you think and think which sometimes isnt good for you! This blog dosent make any sense at all but aww well!
I hope everyone else is well and smiley as always. Love and hugs to all x x

Hey i had an ok wee day today.

My big sister Ally foned and we had a nice little chat, she made me laugh and smile so much. It made my wee day, she really cheered me up and told me a few things to that made me feel alot better. So thank you Ally, your such a star.

I went out with my mum today to look at cars, as im hoping to start my driving lessons soon which will be really good and it will give me so much more freedom hopefully.

I just had a quite night in tonight and watched some tv with my mum and had a nice bath. Still getting quite alot of chest pain but im taking painkillers to stay on top of things. I've started doing all my treatments again so hopefully things will start to get better for me and i will have more energy to do things.

Im going to see Alan and Clodagh soon so im really looking foward to that and im going to make sure im well, cos i dont want to be feeling rubbish. It's something to keep me going and make me do my stuff. So thats good. I cant wait to meet them. They have helped me so much and are great.

Well its off to bed for me now as im really tired today.
Hope everyone is well and smiley
Love and hugs to everyone x x x x

Hey hope everyone is well and smiley!
Was up at hospital yestarday and it went not bad, they knew i had been working hard! So thats a plus! I had a good physio session and was told to keep working hard and i should slowly start to feel better. Hopefully when i start feeling better health wise it will start to life my mood a bit.

I got a lovely little gift and card from my big sister Ally, it arrived yestarday and it made my day. It was lovely. She is such a beautiful person and has a heart of gold. My little life is so much brighter with her in it and im privelaged to call her my big sister. I havent knew her for very long but she has had such a big impact on me since we met,i feel like i've known her my whole life. I love her dearly.

Today i have just been resting, im going to have a nice bath later and try to give Ally a little call. Then just watch some Tv.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend.xxx

Just a little update to let everyone know how im feeling. Im ok a bit more positive about things and working hard at doing all my treatments as i dont wanna be ill any longer:( i just want to get better.

I had a lovely chat with Emmie on msn and she really made me think, she has a way with words and always makes me feel so much better about everything.
She was telling me that everything will be alrite & explained the way i was feeling like going up in an aeroplane which is so true.

When you take off its usually rainny and very cloudy then the higher you go the the clouds start to disapear and its beautiful. So soon hopefully i will start to feel like that , like that big nasty cloud has suddenly lifted off me:D

Ally has left me some lovely messages she is honestly one in a million and such a great person, i know she isnt feeling very well just now. So im sending her millions of get well hugs and love. I hope she will start to feel better again very very soon.

Im back upto the hospital on thursday for more physio! YAY the joys hehe....!
So i will let everyone know how i get on.
I hope everyone is well and smiley..Lots of love xxxxxxxx

What would i do without my friends??!!

Over the last few days i have really realised how much i need my special friends and how much sadder i would be if i never had them in my life.

I have recently built up a great friendship with a very special lady who i now call my big sister. Ali is a very special lady indeed she has really been there over the last while for me and it has made such a big difference to me. Her lovely comments on my blog always make me smile so much and i know my life is alot brighter with her in it. Ever since we met at the hyrdo active challenge we have seemed to become really close and im really glad. I feel privelaged to have such a wonderful, loving and kind person in my life. I just wish i lived nearer her. I have been finding things really really hard at the moment and went through a phase were i was giving up but with the help of all my great friends i have managed to pull through. Im still pretty low but with the help of my friends i know i can get there and come fighting through the other end.

As Emmie calls me i am like a little bouncy ball always bouncing back from all the nasty and horrible things that happen.
Life can be really nasty at times but then you have to think of all the good things to.
Like i say "Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections"
"The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way"

Well im going to call it a night, I thank all my friends for helping me keep fighting. I wouldnt be able to without all of you.
x x x