Sorry for the lack of posting latley! But i just haven't been upto it, hope i'm fogiven. Been back upto gartneval the last few days still not feeling well. Its rubbish, can't stand feeling like this and not being able to do stuff. So been up at gartneval today and yestarday, on more orals once again and tablets for reflux as i keep feeling really sick, it's horrible. So hopefully these orals will work and make me feel better for christmas.

Im off to ireland after christmas so really hope i will be feeling better, i really cant wait to go and meet jo and bree and other people too. And too see Alan and Clodagh again it will be great and it will be fab to get away for a lil break.

Just been taking things really easy recently aint been up to doing much anway. Cant wait to feel better, need to go out and start my christmas shopping now, before it's too late lol.

This is only a short one, will post properly tomorrow.

Hope everyone is manging to keep well and smiley in this horrible weather..x

Such miserable weather..x

Another wet and miserable day, nothing seems to change these days does it lol!! God i hate this weather, it just makes everyone so down and grumpy i think.

Anyway was back up at hospital today as im still not feeling well. Im on two weeks course of oral septrin and i got given some more strong painkillers, the physio ssays she dosen't know how my chest is so bad after two weeks iv's. Just really bad luck to be honest, but im hoping these oral's wil do the trick and i wont have to go in for my iv's. Im back up on wednesday for physio. I just cant stop coughing, i somtimes feel like the veins in my head are going to burst as im coughing so much. Hopefully i will be better soon though.
My dear big sister Ali is in hospital, i hope she gets home soon. I need to post her little card and letter tomorrow. So Ali when you read this i want you to know i've been thinking of you as always and im sending you huge huge get well hugs.

I was suppost to be going to ireland in a week or two but im not going anymore because im not feeling well and because my chest is still really bad, so im going after christmas. Really looking foward to going, i have loads of people to meet. Some great friends that will stay my friends forever. Im gutted im not going when i was meant to because i was meant to being seeing Emmie my wonderful big sis over there, but i wont get too see her now and that has made me really sad. I will just have to go visit her after christmas.

I haven't been upto much at all, since i got home from hospital i haven't had the energy to do anything. Hopefully things will start to imrpove soon.
I hope everyone is well and smiley...xx

Free at last!

Finally managed to escape from hospital after 3 weeks! So glad to be home..

Well the story, i went upto hospital on the monday and they decided to keep me in as i had a bad infection! So that was me in for 2 weeks ivs!
I had been complanin for a bit that my port was sore, so i got them too look at it and it seemed rather red and hot too touch, but they said they would wait and see how it went.
They tried to give my my ivs through it and it wouldnt move so i was like oooo noo here goes!
So i had to get a canula in, i was dreadin this as my veins are totally rubbish. The doc came and had 13 attempts, i was like i cant take it anymore. He finally got one in on the 14th attempt and it didnt even last 2 iv doses!

I ended up being in for 3 weeks and i had to get my port removed because it was infected and blocked! So im still really sore and tender but so glad to be home in my own little bed!
In total i had 17 canulas i think and about 20-30 attempts, my arms were black and blue with bruises, they are just actually starting to disapear now!

Im back to hospital tomorrow for physio and just a check up, so hopefully everything is going well. Im still not feeling that good, but hopefully things will start to pick up very very soon.

Im hoping to go to ireland before christmas to spend a few days with alan and clodagh. Emmie and brad are coming to so it should be brilliant. Really cant wait so see them all again.
I will find out tomorrow if i can fly, so fingers crossed i get the go ahead.
Will do a proper update tomorrow. Hope everyone is well and smiley.xxxxx

God when am i going to start to feel better....Anyone????
Sorry but i just cant stand feeling like this..I've had the flu for a week tomorrow and feel like rubbish. It's got into my chest too i think and i cant stop coughing, my little lungs are really sore.
If only the doctor would have given me my flu jag..now i have to wait till the end of November till they get the next lot in.
Im up at hospital for physio on monday so if i dont feel any better i will be letting them know!
Ive had a total rubbish day today, my mood has been so low. I havent moved from the couch since last saturday, all i've been doing is sleepin all day mostly. It's so not a life so i hope this damn flu will pass soon. I think it has annoyed me long enough now.
Anyone fancy cheerin me up if possible lol?? I would be grateful!
Im hopefully going away over to stay with Clodagh and Alan for a few days sometime soon, soon as i get better and sort my passport out. Im going to see Ali next year, im already looking foward to seeing her again.
This is only a short one i dont have the energy today.
Will post properly soon. Stay happy and well xxx

Was at hospital yestarday to see the phycologist, it went ok i suppose. We had a long chat and i tried to open up as much as i could was hard but i tried. He said he could tell im good at hiding my feelings and whats going on in my head.
Which is true!! Really true actually. Im going back to see him in a few weeks time and maybe i will be able to open up a little more. Ive to try tell my mum how im feeling, i know its going to be real difficult. I prefer to keep everything to myself i dont like to worry or upset her. I find it really hard to talk about how i feel inside, but i guess it will just take time. Hopefully i will be able to one day..it could be days,weeks or months away but its worth trying. Im hopefully going over to visit Clodagh and Alan sometime soon, as long as i get my sats up and keep doing my physio! Need to be well to fly and be well so i will enjoy myself. The 2 of them have been so nice to me, i could never repay them for everything they have done for me. They are such beautiful beautiful people who mean the world to me.
My lovely big sister Ali is thinking of making special CF braclets for christmas, i think its a great idea, i loved the bracelts she made before and i never take them off lol..well apart from when im in the bath;)!! She is such a star and does so much to raise money and help people. If she decides to go ahead with making them, i think they will be a great sell out, I definetley will buy a few!
I've been talking to My princess Emmie loads lately, she is so nice. We have the funniest chats ever on the phone and end up in fits of laughter hehe.. Im hoping to go see her very soon. Maybe before christmas, i might even dress up as father christmas for her hehe!
Anyway time for more physio so i will love yous and leave yous.
All my love to you beautiful people xxxx Stay well and Stay SMILEY x

Best time ever! x

Well havent i had the best time ever!! It all started last week i went down to Newcastle on the tuesday as i was going to be meeting Alan and Clodagh on the thursday. So i went down and stayed with Lainey for a few days. On wednesday night i couldnt sleep and felt so sick..i manged to get to sleep at about 3 in the morning. So thursday came and i woke up feeling so sick..i had to run to the toilet. Me and Lainey got all ready and set off to the airport to meet Alan and Clo. We were so so nervous. Then there they were Gorgeous Clo and Alan came walking through the doors, Alan came over and lifted me up into the air, he gave me the biggest hug ever. Then i gave Clo the biggest hug ever she is beautiful. It was the best meeting them. We made our way to Lainey's car and headed off to the metro centre for a spot of shopping and some lunch. I was really shy i didnt speak for the first half hour or so but after that i was fine hehe! We had some lunch and chatted for ages.. Then Lainey and Clo went on a little roller coaster while i sat with Alan as i was really knackered and couldnt make it up all the stairs lol! After that we took them back to the hotel and got them sorted into their room. Me and Lainey headed home for a bit to get some rest and to let them get ready and that for the meal. Later that night we met back up and went for a lovely meal, it was beautiful and we just chatted for hours. Clo was giving people the eye brow she is so funny and such a beautiful person inside and out. The meal was lovely and we chatted and laughed loads. It was one of the best nights ever. After that we decided to go a little walk. We saw the millenium bridge and the tyne bridge!! I think thats what they were haha...I was freezing so i stole Alan's jacket;) . Well he offered me it and i accepted as it was so cold lol and i kept shivvering.. He is great and made me smile so much. We had a nice we walk but i was so tired and it really took it out of me.

It was one of the best days ever meeting Alan and Clo i know Mary will be so so proud of them. I had the best time ever and they made me smile so much, i really miss them but hopefully i will be going over to Ireland soon to see them again.
I want to thank them so so much for coming over, i am really grateful and i hope they enjoyed thereself as much as i did. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Another day!

Aint had a very good weekend got some flu or cold going on and its really knocked me for six, so all i been doing is sleepin really.
My mood has been really low again but i hope it will pick up again soon, i hate feeling sad and down. It aint good for you. I find it really difficult to talk about my feelings. I just bottle everything up inside and sometimes have a good cry at night when im in my room. I get told its not good to cry on your on though as you need someone to cuddle.
I know it will probably take a while for me to get back on track and to start feeling more positive and cheery! Back to my usual self..I dont like this little sad girl that i have turned into but i know i will be back to my crazy self!
Im going back to see the phycologist on monday so im hoping that will help me and i hope i will be able to somehow open up and talk about my feelings. As i feel i might need to, to actually help me to start feeling better. Its worth a go i think anyway.
Im going to see alan and clodagh on thursday so i really hope i am feeling better and that this nasty cold has gone by then! I've got everything crossed!
My lovely big sister Ali is such a great person, she really helps me, i only wished she lived nearer. Im sure i will see her again soon though.
Hope everyone is well and smiley x x

Well im not long back from the hospital
I've to keep trying to work hard at all my treatments and physio!
I've also got an appoitment with the phycologist next week, im hoping they will be able to help. My little head is just all over the place these days!

I also like Ali wish people would actually understand CF, i know its quite hard but most people just think its a wee illness that affects your lungs. They dont understand how it affects you mentally. As i've got older i've realised what CF actually is and i actually HATE it. I never use this word but cant help to use it on this subject. CF has stole many great friends from me and i sometimes feel like my heart has been riped out over and over again!

There is days when i just wake up and this what is the point? I sometimes feel like i dont have the energy to keep fighting and it would be so much easier to just let the CF win but i dont want to. I want to keep fighting for all the people who cant. I want to somehow be able to beat CF, no matter how hard things get.

I try not to let CF get me down but sometimes things just get to much and you cant help it. People dont understand how hard living with CF is, having to do all the treatments and not being able to do all the things your friends do.

People say i know how you feel, i understand it but they really dont. They dont have CF and dont know what its like to live with it each day. I hate CF so much for taking away some of the most special friends i've ever had. I go to bed and wish i would wake up and this would all just be a big bad dream.

On the other hand i have met so many friends who will forever hold a special place in my heart and if i didnt have CF i would know them. CF has made me a stronger person and has made me aprreciate all the small things in life, its the small things in life that mean so much.

Well ive rammbled on enough! Sorry x x

So true x

Make everyday count no matter what happens
Appreciate every moment and take everything you possibly can
For you may never be able to experience it again
You can make it into anything you wish
Sometimes things get hard and might not go your way
but sometimes things happen that you wouldn't change for the world.
There will be moment when you'll cry and there will be moments you laugh so much you'll cry.
People will desert you when you need them most and others will try their best to be there for a shoulder to cry on at the hardest of times and we all learn in life who those people are but don't use the time we have to hate.
Use it to love and to learn so.....
Talk less and listen more
Be true to yourself and others
Break rules
Learn from every mistake you've ever made and help others out with theirs.
If you feel like crying call me..I cant promise I'll make you laugh but I can cry with you. If one day you want to run away call me..I cant promise to make you stop but I can run with you but if one day you call me and there is no answer....Come fast to see me I may need you.
Your heart will be broken in a relationship gone wrong but think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance and insecurities..Remember things could be worse!
You could be one of them.
Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them..NOT how many years you've lived.
So LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL...
Cherish everything you have and don't dwell on the past
Smile for the present and be ready for the future
Love your friends and family, they are the ones there when others aren't. Anyone who can touch you, can hurt you or heal you
Anyone who can reach you, can love you or leave you
Use every weakness you have and make it into a strength
A true best friend will see you with a smile on your face and still see that there is something wrong.
Make them the light in your day and the moon in your night. Share their joy and pain.
Count the pain you get, given in life as luck because without it you wouldn't be as strong or the person you are today.
WE LIVE AND LEARN x

Wasnt at school today as i wasnt feeling very well so i just had an easy day!
Upto hospital tomorrow for more intense physio so hopefully it will help, also the cf sister phoned today and i've got an appotiment with the phycologist!

I said i would go see him but i dont know if i want to, i cant really talk about how i feel. I just bottle everything up inside. I usually just start crying if i start to talk about how i feel inside and end up feeling really daft!
I've never really been able to talk about my feelings, i can talk to some people from the cf boards which really helps me.

I prefer to keep things to myself but i get told its not good for me and one day i will just end up exploadin! Which i dont think would be a very nice sight!!
I find it really hard to open up but i've had so much support from people and it helps so much.

God this blog dosent make much sense either my little head is just all over the place just now i have far to much time to think...!!

Im going to go and stop rambling on now!
Lots of love to all as always xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey hope everyone is well x

I had rubbish day.. Aint been very well,went into school but got sent home as i was feeling really rubbish:(
I've slept all night mostly, just was so lethargic and had no energy at all.
Dont know what it is, but im back upto hospital on friday for more physio so i will let them check me out. I hope its nothing cos im going to meet Alan and Clodagh next week and im going to Lainey's for a little break, only a few days!

Think a wee break will do me the world of good and will hopefully help me take my mind off things.
I sometimes dont know whats going on in my little head most of the time, i feel like i think and think and think about so much..and sometimes cant stop thinking. Stuff just keeps going round my brain and i can just think for hours and hours! Very strange!

My little brain gets a hard time of it with all the things that go on in my head..I sometimes wish you could just switch your brain and mind off for a while so i could get some none thinkin time lol.

Well i guess thats just what happens you think and think which sometimes isnt good for you! This blog dosent make any sense at all but aww well!
I hope everyone else is well and smiley as always. Love and hugs to all x x

Hey i had an ok wee day today.

My big sister Ally foned and we had a nice little chat, she made me laugh and smile so much. It made my wee day, she really cheered me up and told me a few things to that made me feel alot better. So thank you Ally, your such a star.

I went out with my mum today to look at cars, as im hoping to start my driving lessons soon which will be really good and it will give me so much more freedom hopefully.

I just had a quite night in tonight and watched some tv with my mum and had a nice bath. Still getting quite alot of chest pain but im taking painkillers to stay on top of things. I've started doing all my treatments again so hopefully things will start to get better for me and i will have more energy to do things.

Im going to see Alan and Clodagh soon so im really looking foward to that and im going to make sure im well, cos i dont want to be feeling rubbish. It's something to keep me going and make me do my stuff. So thats good. I cant wait to meet them. They have helped me so much and are great.

Well its off to bed for me now as im really tired today.
Hope everyone is well and smiley
Love and hugs to everyone x x x x

Hey hope everyone is well and smiley!
Was up at hospital yestarday and it went not bad, they knew i had been working hard! So thats a plus! I had a good physio session and was told to keep working hard and i should slowly start to feel better. Hopefully when i start feeling better health wise it will start to life my mood a bit.

I got a lovely little gift and card from my big sister Ally, it arrived yestarday and it made my day. It was lovely. She is such a beautiful person and has a heart of gold. My little life is so much brighter with her in it and im privelaged to call her my big sister. I havent knew her for very long but she has had such a big impact on me since we met,i feel like i've known her my whole life. I love her dearly.

Today i have just been resting, im going to have a nice bath later and try to give Ally a little call. Then just watch some Tv.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend.xxx

Just a little update to let everyone know how im feeling. Im ok a bit more positive about things and working hard at doing all my treatments as i dont wanna be ill any longer:( i just want to get better.

I had a lovely chat with Emmie on msn and she really made me think, she has a way with words and always makes me feel so much better about everything.
She was telling me that everything will be alrite & explained the way i was feeling like going up in an aeroplane which is so true.

When you take off its usually rainny and very cloudy then the higher you go the the clouds start to disapear and its beautiful. So soon hopefully i will start to feel like that , like that big nasty cloud has suddenly lifted off me:D

Ally has left me some lovely messages she is honestly one in a million and such a great person, i know she isnt feeling very well just now. So im sending her millions of get well hugs and love. I hope she will start to feel better again very very soon.

Im back upto the hospital on thursday for more physio! YAY the joys hehe....!
So i will let everyone know how i get on.
I hope everyone is well and smiley..Lots of love xxxxxxxx

What would i do without my friends??!!

Over the last few days i have really realised how much i need my special friends and how much sadder i would be if i never had them in my life.

I have recently built up a great friendship with a very special lady who i now call my big sister. Ali is a very special lady indeed she has really been there over the last while for me and it has made such a big difference to me. Her lovely comments on my blog always make me smile so much and i know my life is alot brighter with her in it. Ever since we met at the hyrdo active challenge we have seemed to become really close and im really glad. I feel privelaged to have such a wonderful, loving and kind person in my life. I just wish i lived nearer her. I have been finding things really really hard at the moment and went through a phase were i was giving up but with the help of all my great friends i have managed to pull through. Im still pretty low but with the help of my friends i know i can get there and come fighting through the other end.

As Emmie calls me i am like a little bouncy ball always bouncing back from all the nasty and horrible things that happen.
Life can be really nasty at times but then you have to think of all the good things to.
Like i say "Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections"
"The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way"

Well im going to call it a night, I thank all my friends for helping me keep fighting. I wouldnt be able to without all of you.
x x x

A love yous all so so much

Im so so so so grateful. I cannot believe what you guys have done for me and im so thankfull to yous all. Emmie you are amazing arranging all that for me, u are one in a million and im very privelaged to have you as my special big sister.
I was in tears reading all your lovely messages on the card, i was just so taken by your kindness and generosity. Your gifts mean the world to me and were absoultley beautiful, i will take my gorgeous teddy bear to bed with me everynight. Wish i could give you all a massive hug. Yous are all such amazing people and im so glad i know yous. My life is so much brighter with yous in it. So i want to thank yous from the bottom of my heart. All my love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey everyone im back!
I managed to get out of hospital today so i will be at home for my birthday on friday, i've to go upto hospital on friday for a physio session though!

Well im startin to feel a wee bit better but im still really down & i hate feeling like this so much. I hope things will get better soon and i will get back to my wee self cos i hate feeling sad and low all the time, it aint nice.

I've to go up to the hospital every week for a physio session with one of the phyiso's to keep me on track and to help me.

I want to thank everyone so so much for all there kind messages, they mean the world to me & brightend my day up. I recieved a beautiful from card from Ally which she made herself, it was lovely so thanks so much chikie, ur a star. I had a great conversation on the fone with Emmie, it was one of the most funniest fone calls ever & she made me smile so much, so thanks Emmie. She also read out all ur lovely messages to me which was such a nice thing to do, she's an angel. Thanks everyone for thinking about me, yous are all amazing.

Im still taking things very easy just now & making sure i dont over do it. Im going to meet alan soon, Mary's boyfriend which im really lookin foward to so i gota make sure im well enough.

Once again thanks for all the lovely messages
All my love xxxxxxxxxx

Why why why?? Thats all i keep thinking just now.

Im still not doing my physio & im really payin the price, my chest is in agony & i cant stop coughing. All i seem to be doing just now is sleepin & arguing with my mum, i cant take much more of it. I dont know why im not doing my physio cos i know its whats keeping me alive, i know im being so daft. My mum is phoning the hospital on tuesday, and im going to see a phycologist to see if they can get through to me and help me before i do real damage to myself.

I've not long woke up actually, had a rubbish day were i just havent stopped crying. Just wish i would go to sleep and wake up and this would all just be a big bad dream.

I'll probably be going back upto hosp on tues, cos my chest is terrible.
So i'll let everyone know how i get on. Thanks Ally for all the lovely comments you leave me & for making me a card, ur an absoulte angel.

Lots of love to all, keep well & smily xxxxxxxxxx

Hey all thought i would update my blog as i havent for a few days now! I just havent had the energy to do so.
I've been feeling like rubbish lately, my chest isnt very good but that is due to the fact that i havent been doing my physio as well as i should be & im definetley paying the price, its all just so hard at times. I know i got to start doing it properly though as my health will just deteroiate more if i dont.
My mood is really low just now aswell and that aint helping anything, as im so fed up and down, i aint got any motivation in me.

I'll hopefully find strength from somewhere though & be able to carry on fighting like i should be doing. Thanks for everyone who reads my blog & posts comments.

I've not been doing much, just taking things easy as im really weak & so tired just now. I have been getting lots of support though from the whole cf community though & lots of advice on what to do about not doing my physio and stuff, so im really greatful for that. Also for the support from all my other friends who dont have cf.

Well im gonna go sorry this is just a quick one, but im gonna try get some sleep feeling really crappy. Hope everyone else is well & i want to say a truly massive well done to alan to done everyone & mary so so proud with his interview, it had me in tears, his strength and courage amazes me. so a BIG WELL DONE Alan. Your a true star.

Lots of love to all x x x x

Hiya all, Hope everyone is well & smiley.
Im ok got the hospital tomorrow for my anual review & for a fitness test! Ahhhhhh.
Gota tell them about these sore heads i keep getting, cos they are really annoyin me now. So hopefully they will find out whats causing them & get it sorted for me.

Well its my birthday a week on friday, so im looking foward to that, al be 16! CAnt wait cos i will hopefully be starting my driving lessons soon. Cant wait to be able to drive, it will give me so much more freedom.

Seen Emz alot last few days she is great & such a help to me, i honesly dont know what i would do without her at times. I've been in touch with Alan loads Mary's boyfriend. He's fab such a kind guy, means the world to me. Hopefully will get to meet him one day.

Well this is just a quick one as im going to bed head killin me, got hosp tmoz. So will let yous know wat happens. Take care all x x

Hey hope everyone is well and dandy!
Im not too bad today, had a good few long chats with Alan and he has made me feel so much better about things, he is a total star & such a great guy.

I posted a wee pic of me in London just gettin ready to go to the meal..So i hope it has turned out ok:D

This is just a wee quick post to say hi & hope everyone is well. Lots of love & hugs x x x

Hey lovely people

Today i feel up to writing a proper post now, the last few days have been very hard. I was finding things very hard after hearing that Mary had passed away. For the past few days i havent stopped crying, but i got rid of all my tears last night as i know that Mary wouldnt want me to be sad and upset, she would want me to stay strong. I have been in contact with Mary's boyfriend Alan who has been such a great friend to me, he has been such a star and i hope we will stay friends forever.

Yestarday Emz took me out for the day, we went to Arbroath and went to the beach for a while then for a chinese, We also meet up with Lea one of our friends. It was a lovely wee day and it helped me to take my mind of some things for a little while. Emz is such a great person and has a heart of gold, she has been there so much for me over the last few months & it really means alot to me. Anytime im feeling low i know she will be there for me and that means alot.

Today i am just having an easy day as im quite tired after yestarday. It has been a long hard few days, so hopefully things will start to get easier. On thursday im going to see princess's on ice with Emz so im really looking foward to that, it will be great.

Im back up at the hospital on tuesday, to see what's happenin with the old lungs and to hopefully get my steroids reduced! So fingers crossed everything goes to plan. After that me and my mum are going out to look at cars, because im starting driving lessons soon. So my mum is just gonna sell her car and we are gonna share the new one. I cant wait to be able to drive cos it will mean i can come and go as i please, also if i feel like i need time to myself i will be able to go nice wee drive's. Neeshy was telling me it has helped her alot so i hope it does the same for me.

Well i gotta run on, neb time!! Hope everyone is well and happy.
Take care x x x

In loving memory of a wonderful and special friend

Writing this hurts so much but i feel like i need to.
Today i found out that Mary had passed away, the tears havent stopped coming all day, i cant believe she has gone, it hurts so much to know that another wonderful person has gone due to cystic fibrosis. Mary was one of the most special friends i had, she was there for me whenever i needed her, she meant more than the world to me and always will. Over the last wee while i was finding it really hard, but with her help and kind words she always made me smile. That was our Mary. I wish so so much that her call would have came in time as she was waiting on a double lung transplant, sadly this didnt happen and she died waiting on the list.

Mary was such a fighter and never let much get her down, i remember her love for life. She was one of the strongest people i know and was always there helping other people even when things were so hard for her. She was gorgeous and had so much going for her.

I urge people to sign up to be a organ donor, to many people die waiting for transplants and this shouldnt be happening, losing another very special to cf hurts so much. It is so easy to sign up and be an organ donor all you have to do is go to www.uktransplant.org.uk.

I know that Mary is free from pain now and will be able to fly free and breath without any more pain, i just hope that she knew how much she meant to me and that i will always be grateful to her for helpin me through so much. We became really close in the last while and im so glad i got to know such a loving,kind and wonderful person. I couldnt have asked for a better friend. Mary u mean the world and more to me and always will.

Beautiful Mary, I know we will meet in a better place but until we do may u rest in peace. Good night and god bless. Heaven has the best angel in the world. I know that when i look at the stars at night, i will look out for you and hopefully will be able to see you there shinning brightly. I will love u forever and cant wait for the day that we will meet. Ur inspiration will forever live on.

My thoughts go to all of Mary's family and friends and especially to Alan, we have became vry close over the last wee while and i want u to know that i will always be there for u wenever u need me, i promise.

Good night mary the fairy and god bless.
You will always hold a very special place in my heart.

Whenever I needed someone to talk to, You were always there. My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, and You were always there. There was no time when I had doubt, to come to you because You were always there. I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and that you really cared. Whenever I was down and blue You were always there. No matter my problems, are what was wrongY ou were always there. Whenever I felt like nothing matters You were always there. Now your gone, and I don't know what to do, I close my eyes and think of you, and how You were always there. It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of you. Can you hear me now, At night I pray, and I speak to you. I guess you were right when you told me no matter how far you were. You would always be there. I know one day I'll see you again, but till then I have to say goodbye. Even though it hurts to hear your name, and speak of you. One thing I will always say is You were always there.

I will love u forever Mary.
All my love ur Tasha x x x

Best weekend ever!!

Thought i would start up a new wee blog and what better way to start this one than to start it with all about the best weekend ever!!

Well this weekend i travelled down to London for the Hydro active run, i was supporting cystic fibrosis and being part of Emily's Angels team..Even though i didnt do the run, i was there cheerin on like a maddie!!

We arrived in London in the early hours of saturday morning and made our way to the hotel me and Lainey's 2 daughters. Lainey was waiting at the tube station to meet us just incase we got lost lol! When we got there we dropped our bags and headed straight out as we wanted to make the most of the time there, we got on one of the tour buses which took us mostly all around London we saw some beautiful places and had a good laugh on the bus! Later on the Saturday night we went for a meal with some of the other angels that were going to do the run. We went to a lovely wee restaurant, it was great meeting everyone, Gill, Livvy, Sarah, Gill's daughter and of course Ally, Bagpuss and Roger. Ally is amazing such a loving and fun person, i had a good laugh with her and her husband, he is so funny. After the meal we went straight back to the hotel and straight to bed as i was totally nakered and wanted to be feeling as well as i could for the race the next day.

The day of the race arrived and god was i feelin excited & nervous. We all got geered up in our lovely pink clothes and headed of to the run..having a laugh the whole way there! I got a piggy back most of the way by Lainey's daughter Stacey, i would have been lost without her there, she was amazing to me and was always there if i needed anything! We arrived at the race and the excitment started to really kick in, we made our way over to the cystic fibrosis stand and there she was her self, the best angel in the world Miss Emily dressed from head to toe in pink. She looked fantastic and very pink indeed. Everyone chatted away for ages and then it was time for the race to start, as i wasnt doing the race i stayed with Roger, Ally's husband. We said bye to everyone and wished them the best of luck.

BOOOM! The race had started and off went the runners. Everyone was buzzing and people were cheering from all directions. Me and roger then made our way over to a much quieter corner were we had planned to stand so Ally could look out for us..after standing there for a short while we saw Emily and all of her angels pass..still looking wonderful as ever! And then i noticed the pink wig from a distance and let Roger now Ally was on her way..We were shoutin Go Ally Go...She came over for a quick 2 mins and i couldnt believe how fantastic she still looked after walking all that length. We quickly walked over to the finishing line so we could see Emily walk over the line..we were waiting for her when we somehow saw Ally pop up from no where and take over alot of people, i was so proud of her as she had done so well and the last bit of the race she just went for it and done us all proud so well done Ally! What an achievment.

A few minutes later we could see the angels preparing to get Emily out of wheelchair to walk the final stretch..as soon as she got out the chair and stood up everyone went wild cheering and clappin for her, she started to walk slowly and within mintues the finish line was only seconds away...the crowd started clappin in time and then there it was our Emily had done it, she crossed the finish line in true pink style..What an emotional moment it was, there wasnt a sole about without tears streamin down there faces. Everyone was so so happy that Emily had achieved her goal and it was one of the best moments of my life, being able to be there and share it with her and so many other wondeful people.

After the race we all planned to meet back u near the cf point, so everyone could have a nice wee picnic and a good old natter. Walking back to the point that we were suppost to be meetin i started feelin really bad and could feel my breathin gettin worse and worse, i thought to myself God no please let me be ok..Everyone over took us and i was gettin slower and slower.. By the time we eventually got to the picnic i could hardly breath and was gettin really panicky! Someone got the first aid team over to see me and it was advised that i had to go away, at this point i just burst into tears as i really didnt want to go. I also thought if i went away in the ambulance i would have missed gettn to meet my special big sister Emmie. So i got rushed away of in the ambulance with Stacey, Lainey's daughter, i was so glad that she came with me cos i was in a real state by this team and needed someone there who i loved and could trust. I got oxygen on as soon as i went into the ambulance and was taken away to a wee medical tent were i had more oxygen and some nebs! I was begging them to let me go as i had started to feel a little better and didnt want to miss the picnic and i told them i had someone special i really needed to see. They agreed that i could go back as long as i took things really easy, so thats what i done.

I got driven back in a wee ambulance car and as soon as i stepped out of the car i could see Emmie walkin over, it was the best moment ever, i couldnt believe i was actually meetin her as i had wanted to for so so long. I was like omg hiya..I went with Emmie and we sat down and chatted for a bit, she is so lovely & sweet. It felt like i had meet my big sister. I took some lovely photos, great ones of Emmie and Emily. After a while it was time for everyone to go home, i said a big goodbye to Emmie, wanted to give her the biggest hug in the world! Also said bye to Emily it was wonderful meeting her, what an inspiration she is. Was the best weekend of my life.

So off everyone went. Me, Stacey & Ash headed back to the hotel to collect our stuff and then it was off to the airport. When we got to the airport i was totally nakered so had to get a wheelchair. We got on the plane and we getting ready to take off, i was worryin a little bit because of wat had happend ealier in the day. As soon as the plane took off and got into air, i could feel it happenin all over again, i felt like my lungs were collapsin and quicky needed oxygen, i had it on the whole flight and sat cuddlin stacey, i wouldnt let go off her lol.So sorry stacey for squeezin u so much. I was so glad when the flight had landed as i just wanted to get off the plane alive and safe.

We arrived at Lainey's and i just went straight to bed i was totally nakerd. The next day it was tme to go home.. Seeing my mum was quite emotional after hwat had happend she had tears in my eyes, was so glad to see her again. I was up at the hospital all day and my sats are still low, so i am on a very high dose of steroids and ive to go back up soon.

I just want to say thanks so much to everyone for making it the most special & best weekend of my life. I will never forget it. Well done Emily for achieving what u aimed for, u were the star of the day! Hope everyone is well and relaxin. Take care lots of love Tasha x x x